Once able to surf the net, I searched for gay porn on a daily basis. It was as if I could never see enough. I wanted to see muscular, toned bodies...a big cock, etc. I wanted to see men that made me question my sexuality and/or ability to resist. Not only did I view pictures, but I began (both voluntarily and involuntarily) associating my arousal and pleasure with gay sex. For those that are into the mental aspect of sex; behavior modification, deconstruction, mind fucking, conditioning...I'm sure you know about this.
I saved pics of all types (oral, anal, bondage, white men, black men, etc) so that I could view them again and masturbate. I was becoming desensitized, more focused on my desire for cock and addicted to the taboo.
I also found and wandered into gay chat rooms (gay.com). This is where I started to spend my weekday evenings. I chatted with Dominant/Top men that understood my desires and were on the prowl to find a "bottom". They were more than happy to enable me and watch me fill with fascination. Some were very cool, intelligent, decent men that kept me intrigued. They knew what I fantasized about and what to say to keep me in a conversation. These conversations opened my mind to other gay sex activies like: domination, control, seduction, cock worship, ego deconstruction, erotic humiliation, dick slapping, deep throat, face fucking, ball worship, bondage, getting fucked, cum, massages, interrogation, mind games, wrestling, etc.
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